Post #100 -- The Milestone! So, A Little Holiday Levity Is In Order

At this time of year, who hasn't thought about burying one's foot deep into the anal crevice of another?

If it's not the person in the line in front of you paying by check in the cash/credit card line, it's the belligerent check-out girl with the 16 letter name, composed equally of vowels and consonants that you can't say phonetically. Or it might be that asshole that slid in and stole the parking space that you circled around for 10 minutes looking for.

At any rate, I suspect the world would be a better place, if Dr. Seuss had encouraged us as kids to act out our frustration with our fellow human at least once in a while.

I firmly believe that everyone needs a firm ass-kicking every once in a while, to keep them on track.

Just jokes...Just jokes. Well, maybe not.

Parents, I'm sure as you've looked for that most-wanted toy this year, you've silently wished your beloved little one(s) might actually disappear for a moment, if only to give you and your significant other some extra gnookie time, and more zeros before the decimal point, come December 26th. You can deny it all you want, but we all know the truth.

And it's OK.

I'm sure your little one has wished you'd disappear and not come back so they could eat as much of that cereal they like, or to stay up a bit later, blow off those chores, or yes, depending on their age, so they can get a little extra gnookie time... Hey, I'm keeping it real.

Sorry, but I couldn't resist this. Surely, we've all been in a situation where people whom you don't expect of even having a sex drive, are beatin' it up like there is no tomorrow, or when there are two of the most unlikely partners gettin' it in the room one or two doors down. It's one of the most uncomfortable situations I can think of.

And simultaneously, one of the most hilarious. Because if it's a peer, the clowning that can come as a result are the things "The Dozens" dreams are made of.

And if it's not a peer? Well, psychotherapy is often available from graduate students at many university Psychology Departments at reduced cost.

Just don't break that bed in there, y'all.

For the dog owners out there, have you ever wondered if, when you took Fido to the vet to be neutered, he knew you were going to chop off his doggie family jewels?

I mean, think about it, what if your master was taking you to the table to be castrated. Wouldn't you be depressed, resistant, angry? So what about your dog?

And do you think others in the animal kingdom actually talk to each other like "Yo, the last four-leg like you came in with a sac, and left without one... They gonna smash your huevos! Run Forrest Run!!!"

I think they do, and I'm sure it's a source of never-ending comedy among the "haves" when they see the "have nots" coming.

Testicles, that is.

Mommy. Likes. Box.

If you can't laugh at this, you have no sense of humor at all, and you need this post most of all.

Yo, can you see a Berenstain Bear pimping in Bear County? I can.

I bet it's Brother Bear in this picture doing the pandering, too, with his controlling ass.

He probably put Sister Bear on the stroll and takes 75% of her honey. Plus, he's got a consignment deal from Queenie and Too-Tall Grizzly keeping the forest on lock-down, dealing in the finest in fishscale and Honeybee Gold.

And then of course, Brother Bear has his pocket goon, Raffish Ralph out there regulatin' and being his bag-man.

You know, a good pimp stays above the game.

This reminds me of the club kids I used to have to throw out of the Paradox on Wednesday nights when I used to bounce, back in the 90's. I image that those kids looked like this as toddlers, prancing around half-naked in diapers with glow sticks, high on a sugar rush.

The little boy looks like he's scoping the butt of the girl in front of him.

Something them damn club kids did too: I can't tell you how many of them would be in a corner somewhere, high on "X," trying to get some, to the 130 beat per minute techno that was being blasted out of the 10,000 watt sound system.

I mean we had to throw them out -- it wasn't a brothel, after all, and I'm sure the owner wanted to keep his operating license -- but you had to admire them for trying to get their thing off to that fast-ass beat.

CLASSIC! A lift-the-flap affair!

Remember a few years ago, conservatives accused the Teletubbies of being communist homosexuals?

Well, maybe if they see this, at least one of those allegations can be dispelled. If you look closely enough at the picture, you'll see Daddy 'Tubby has a special under-the-flap delivery for Mommy 'Tubby.

No wonder the Teletubbies are always smiling. There's a lot going on after the show that we don't know about.