Rachel Ray, Her Scarf and Terrorism (Or alternately, Get Michelle Malkin a Vibrator and some Vaseline)

If you're like most people, you might have missed the recent flap over Rachel Ray's recent commercial for Dunkin' Donuts, wherein Food Networks vivacious vixen of victuals is wearing an innocuous scarf and hocking DD's iced coffee.

In said ad, Ms. Ray is wearing a scarf that on TV resembles something called a keffiyeh, a hundreds-of-years old design of head-dress primarily worn by men in the Middle East to shield their heads from the searing sun and heat of that parched part of the globe. It's existed for centuries, and only of late -- the last 50 years or so -- has it become associated with Palestinian solidarity. (It's interesting to note that British Colonel T.E. Lawrence -- known to most as "Lawrence of Arabia" -- wore one during WWI).

While I don't drink coffee, I do -- well I did -- enjoy Dunkin' Donuts artery-clogging confections every blue moon so I consider(ed) myself a fan of their work. Now, I'll be boycotting them, not because of the scarf, but because they actually capitulated to the lunatic fringe and pulled the commercial.

Of course, not to be deterred by common sense, the political right in this country, led by one Michelle Malkin, have seized on the scarf, yes the scarf, around Ms. Ray's neck, labeling said scarf as a keffiyeh, and deciding it's a sign of Ray demonstrating "jihadi chic," and of Dunkin Donuts' and Ray supporting "hate couture."

Goddamnit, I hate stupidity.

I was going to avoid and refrain from an ad hominem attack on Miss Malkin. But I feel compelled to overturn my initial decision and go in.

First though, let me say, I think Rachel Ray is a hottie. Bona fide. Hottie. She also can throw down in the kitchen, so in my book, she's a winner. And according to her spokespeople the scarf she was wearing wasn't even a keffiyeh: it was some paisley number with fringe that her stylist thought might be cute. I'm a dude, and scarves aren't my thing, so, if they say it was a compliment to her outfit, so be it. I couldn't care less.

But back to Ms. Malkin. Like I said, I was going to stay away from bashing her directly but I must.

This chick needs some good penis. Bottom line.

I've tried to understand what would make one so jingoistic in their short-sightedness, and so ignorant in their approach to things they don't understand. I've thought and thought, but I was at a loss. She needs something. In her case, as darling of the Rabid Right, money and fame are not in short supply right now. So it has to be dick...How much would you like to bet that she's married to some member of the "mainstream" with a 3-inch joystick? She's sexually frustrated, so she has to lash out at perceived threats. From a scarf, for example.

And obviously while she's bright, she lacks common sense. Either that, or she's convinced in her undiagnosed paranoia that her personal safety is that much at risk from a piece of cotton fabric on the head of a foodie.

Imagine the outrage if Ms. Malkin appeared on TV wearing a skirt or some other article of clothing native to the Philippines, and she was labeled a goo-goo or gook, slapped her on the ass and told to "blow me mama-san?" How would she feel? And better yet, how would the antagonist look, allowing their personal ignorances to publicly  label and slander a whole group of people? They would look ignorant, and stupid.

About as ignorant and stupid as saying a scarf represents jihad, and by racist insinuation that anyone wearing such is a terrorist or supports the killing of innocents. It's ignorant bullshit such as this that fuels hatred of this country, and makes us more likely to be the target of terror.

And this lack of understanding...it seems to permeate the entirety of the Right in this country. See something you don't understand, demonize it. Not wearing a flag lapel pin, demonize him. Not creaming at the first two bars of the "Star Spangled Banner?" You're a demon!

This is an example of the epidemic of utter and complete ass-backwards thought that has taken over this country in the past decade or two. And while I'd die to defend her right to say whatever stupid and ignorant mess she has to say, I'd love for someone take her laptop from her and throw it into the Potomac, if only to keep her from spewing more comments of hate and ignorance.

Thank you armchair, dick-deprived, self-hating, paranoid, and racist patriots of America, for using your powerful mouse-clicking muscles to keep us safe from scarves and other supposed symbols of hatred. I knew that doughnuts were unhealthy, but I had no idea that Al Qaeda was behind it all!